Some days like these, I am again overwhelmed with my own feelings of getting so stuck in time and space. It was the understanding of time tik-toking away and me doing nothing that sucks. Like once again I am uncertain of my career path or life goals or ambitions or even my likes and dislikes. Everything is covered with a thin layer of mist, duties, responsibilities, obligations, dreams and even things that I cannot name names. Feeling left behind hurts, but the fact that I don’t even know what my beginning point is sucks even more.
Really, I read somewhere that every life has a purpose, everything happens for a reason. What is the purpose that I desperately search for? I know this is not the first time I ask myself that question. I’ve asked it over and over again for so many years, but somehow the answer eludes me. Or at some point I thought I knew it, and then at some point I pretended that I am content with everything that is going on, and then at some point I came back to the question again, hastily looking for an identity, a return to my constant prayers.
One once said those words that if you don’t know your true calling yet, sit still, don’t do anything, listen closely to your heart until you know your way. Hey, but I can’t sit around waiting for my whole life, can I?